Wednesday, 24 February 2010

You have just been through a black hole - fanx for travellin wiv da Lexie

We is makin a quick stop in 2010 just before we heads back to 2004 and find out more about what shall henceforth be known as "Year of da Lexie"!

At da weekend we did move our crane to its new home ... a massive 300 yards away! Dis may not sound a long way but it was difficult for our dad to do becoz he has to get the crane arm, which dus be da longest fing eva, under a telegraph pole wire and round vehicles and wot not. He was bery close to dis car but managed to miss running it over:

Da weather was orrible an it was persistently precipitatin (dat be rainin to you lot). Luckily our friend Mark was there wiv his friend (who did give me a bit of his cornish pasty) and he let us hide in his container when it was really bad. He's got it all set up nice wiv some old car chairs, a big heater, a radio and lights. Is quite cosy! They never had a doggie their container before so I's fort it best to check around for crumbs and such:

Dad hop up in da cab and mum get into position ready to direct da crane arm under the wire while makin sure dat as the crane tracks back it don't hit nuffink or he don't drive into a car. Dis be da crane arm touchin da telephone wire:

Telegraph polls clear is now time to move some of da ova vehicles wot is in da yard. Our friend Mark has a forklift which he did use to move fings about. H did use da forklift to move dat blue truck:

Dad was jumpin in and out da cab of da crane and each time he hear funny lickle noise dat he not recognise. Hmm me finks no matter just carry on wiv da job in hand. Den .... he did rip his jeans in da most embarrassin area for a man ... around his meat n two veg, if you get ma drift! Mum had to rush off to da shops and buy him some new ones! Here do be the casualities:

The crane did move into place slowly but surely. I was checkin the yard to make sure everyfin was in order. Crane? What crane? I neva saw a fing occifer!

So, there passes anova day in da life of da Lexie! Now, back to 2004 where mum and dad are comin to terms wiv icy pontoons, frozen water pipes and crossin boats in the dark!

So fanx for stoppin by. It was ... nice to see you ... to see you nice!

Thursday, 18 February 2010

Febreze just isn't man enough for the job - part 2

Right where was I? First, I do say hello again ma frends. I am just gonna go check where I left off, back in a mo! Chat amongst youselfs ...... dum de da ...... right I's back! Let us move on to da next episode in da life of da Lexie (yet to be born) - dat is me!

Is July 2003; mum and dad is movin onto Atlantis. Dey manage to get her into a residential marina in Kent, only problem is dere be no mooring available yet so dey has to tie up just outside the main marina. So what's wrong wiv dat I hear you ask? Gettin on and off board was a bit tricky! Dey ad to walk 1/2 a mile along a pontoon, go down a rickety ladder, cross two concrete lighters covered in seaweed and other slimey doings, then climb over anova empty ship to their boat. They had no power or water to the boat yet so everyfin was runnin on generators.

Mum decided in her infinite widsom to take three weeks off work (she had 9-5 job then) and dad had already given up his job to make the conversion of Atlantis his full time work (he was IT Consultant before). They realised the best fing was to get as much stuff on board as they cud and then stay on board for the whole three weeks til mum had to go back to work.

They decided that the priorities were:
  • making sure they had somwhere to sleep
  • making sure they could wash themselfs and their clothesies (priority for mum, dad didn't really care!)
  • making sure they has loads to eat (priority for dad, mum didn't really care!)
There was only one cabin below decks in da bow (landlubbers: the front pointy end of boat). Mum had clocked dis cabin when they went to see da boat in Ireland and had mused to herselfs 'at least I don't have to sleep down there'. Of courses, later, she realised there was nowhere else to sleep!

Mum steeled herself and armed wiv air freshener, Febreze and pledge (a rather pointless combo) made her way down into the cabin. She was not prepared for the horrors that awaited her! Oh the innocence! Did she really fink that a couple of spray bottles were up to the manly task of eradicatin 35 years of fishermen stench?

Well let me tell you! They were not! There were five separate bunks in da cabin. Each bunk had its own mattress and duvets. I fink it would not be an exaggeration to say these mattresses and blankets were rotten, mouldy, covered in mildew and soakin wet! Febreze was not man ennuf for dat job! Ok, no problem, don't panic! I'll just get rid of da bedding she finks and we can get new stuff, job's a goodun!

Dad (from the safety of the top of the stairs) - How is it down there?
Mum - Aboslutely disgusting!
Dad - So can we sleep down there tonight?
Mum - Errrrrr .. you must be joking!
Dad - Do you need some more Febreze?
Mum - No I need a flamethrower!

Note the magic tree in the photo! Dat is doin diddly!:

Afte removin all da beddin and other rubbish they found (clothes, letters, diaries, cigarettes, bottles of whisky, needles!) the smell still remained! It was in the wood! The smell was unbearable (wish we ad smell-o-vision in these photos). They decided to abandon the cabin and sleep on the wheelhouse floor on an airbed for the timebeing til they can decide the next move.

The next few weeks were spent in a wonderful dreamlike state. Mum and dad had never been happier (that's coz they hadn't met me yet!) They were enjoying their little unreality pocket because they knew all too soon mum wud be back at work and dad would start the long long journey of transformation.

They didnt see anyone else and hardly left da boat. The galley (landlubbers: kitchen) was so filthy dat mum spent 3 days scrubbin the black floor and walls to discover they woz white! When mum did see da head (landlubbers: toilet) she cried (35 years of fishermens who knows what in there). Bleach and elbow grease wud do the trick (note: toilet is still black - eeeewwww).

The shower cud not be used inside until da leaky floor was fixed with new cement. They decided to shower outside on the deck. No-one cud see them so it was no problem. Dad showered in da noddy but mum was still worried in case a satelllite, helicopter, plane or ship could spot her) so showered in her swimsuit at first. They had plenty of time to sort out hot water later and as it was summer it didn't matter! Dis was their view from da stern (landlubbers: back of boat)

Dad had been busy re-wiring from Dutch 110 DC to 240 AC so they could use the shore power and stop runnin the generators when they got their proper mooring. He'd sorted out the flush on the toilet and a new shower head had been mounted on the deck. He'd also repaired the cooker and managed to get the microwave on board on his own (we dussnt know how he did it!).

By the end of the first few days they worked out sleepin on an airbed was a very bad idea! Mainly coz it deflated in the night. They went off to storage and brought back their mattress, washing machine and a few other essential items (remember each time they got off da boat they had to climb over another ship, cross the concrete lighters of death, climb the rickety ladder of death and walk the 1/2 mile pontoon).

Dad rigged up a pulley system and they managed to get everyfin across to the ship they were moored next to (remember: ship, death ladder, death lighter, 1/2 mile pontoon each time). They had a bit of a lean on as you can see in dis photo (mum sez was like bein in da Crooked House at Southend Funfair):

They woz avin the time of dey lifes! The summer that year was glorious. Mum and dad spent every evenin sittin on deck enjoyin de sunsets wiv a glass of wine and some pasta. They woz avin nice swimmin in da river in da evenin to cool down. In the daytime they woz organisin fings and cleanin up da boat as best they cud to make it bit more habitable. for da long road ahead. Three weeks of no work, no phones, no internet and no tv! What does one do of an evenin? Well I leave that bit to you imaginins!

As the three weeks drew to a close, mum start finkin bout gettin back to work in da office she was at. Dad heard from their landlord that they would be moving to their new mooring which was a few boats further in and they would have electric and water on tap! No more climbin rickety ladder of death etc etc either!

So, off mum went back to work. No washing machine, no shower and twice a day clamber of death. She had a few slips and slides over lighters of death and rickety ladder but made it to the car park each day! She used to have to ring dad to say she got to the car safe and then ring him so he cud come and escort her back again! But they fort it was worf it - each evenin they saw bootiful sunsets and relaxed on da back deck listenin to da birds and drinkin wine (hmmmm seems to be lots of wine drinkin goin on here).

She was goin to da gym to av a wash and washin clothes by and. Dad was workin ard to get everyfin sorted out. He installed a new boiler and tank for hot water, got the washin machine workin and started plannin the next steps of the conversion from Trawler to Expedition Yacht.

What about Lexie I hear you ask? Well I was still jus a twinkle in da eye! Mum used to fink bout Jim (her beloved cat wot did die) a lot in dem early days and tell herself it was for da best that Jim was over rainbow bridge. You couldn't keep a cat or dog on a boat really anyway! Heehee little did she know! The marina was full of cats and dogs!

Mum and dad decided to settle down for da winter and start the real work in 2004 (year of da Lexie)! Dad had got the boiler workin so they had plenty of heatin, hot showers and they used da galley as kitchen/living area. He'd sorted out TV and internet as well! Mum was now workin from ome two days a week as well!

They spent their first Christmas on Atlantis and went to lots of parties on many other boats.  Mum says drinkin and climbin over boats dussnt mix tho!

That is da story of how dem spent their first year on da boat (well it was six munfs really I spose). More to come soon! I hope you enjoy dis one as well.

So, as Truman says, in case I don't see ya ... good afternoon, good evening and goodnight!

Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Life's journey is a twisty turny fing - part 1

I bin finkin some of you might like to know more bout Atlantis and wot mum and dad has dun to her since dey bought her. Mum said to me da ova day

- Hey Lexie! Why not do a potted history of Atlantis!

Don't know nuffink bout no pots not sure wot plantpots has got to do wiv it, but I gonna tell you bit bout our boat. Dis post about how mum and dad came togeva and bought Atlantis.

Mum and dad boaf luv da water since dey was very ickle ankle biters! Dis be dem as ankle biters:

Dad first - he da one on da left - nice tie!:

Now mum - she was a child model and did Paxo Stuffing, Colgate Toofpaste and Mars Bar adverts!:

Long before mum and dad got togeva dey was friends wiv each ova through their partners. Mum's husband at da time worked for dad and dad's girlfriend was a friend of mums! Phew got that? Da two couples becom good friends and went on holidays togeva. When dey was on holidays in France dey fell in love wiv dem bootiful yachts and motorboats. Dey dream of da life on da ocean. All four of dem fink dey would like to have a big boat and sail around da world doing nice fings like divin, sunbavin, jetski-in and all sorts of general beachbummin around!

Any-road-up, da four of dem find dis boat they like in a place called Heybridge Basin, Essex. They decide to find out about it but then, for reasons best know to demselfs mum husband and dad girfriend decide they dussnt wanna do it after all. So, they all forget about it. Events took a strange turn for mum and dad (separately as they did not know about each other then as they had all drifted apart as friends). Mum husband did run away wiv anova woman and dad's girlfriend did run away from him too! They woz left lost and lovelorn.

Mum had to sell her house to pay off her ex and all the debts! She had nowhere's to go! Out of da kindness of his heart ma dad (who is called Justin and he is just like his name - he is da most just, honest, true, kind man eva) took ma mum in as da lodger til she cud get a place of her own. He was lovely to mum becoz he also was appy to let her bring her cat, Jim, as well.

Guess what appen next? They did fell in love! Dey woz not hexpectins this and woz big surprise for them. They woz bery bery appy (oops they ARE very very appy). Dis wot they looks like now:

Dad first (he likes to pull annoyin faces mum says!):

Dis be ma mum (she likes hats and loves to larf!):

One day dey had a conversation dat woz to change their lives and bring dem one step closer to da Lexie:

mum - Hey, remember when we nearly bought that boat in Heybridge Basin?
dad - Yeah I remember
mum - I still think back and regret that we didn't do it
dad *turns off tv (must be important)* - you mean... you would do it?
mum - yep!
dad - great! coz I found the perfect boat. She's in Ireland and we can go and look at her anytime!

So off dey flew to Ireland and there she was - MV Atlantis WD44 - waitin for dem to buy her and give her some TLC wot she did need. Six munfs later, after some negotatin wiv da owner and gettin a crew to bring her back to engerland, mum and dad were finally able to move on board on da 19 July 2003.

Dis woz Atlantis when she was called Janettje bout 38 years ago:

Sadly, mums cat Jim died just before mum and dad moved on da boat. She was 19. Here is a picture of Jim. Jim was a tabby (and a girl but mum did not know dat when she first got her as a kitten!).

Here is Jim (she was meowin coz mum did wake her up from nice sleep - I can relate to Jim in that regard!):

When mum and dad moved aboard Atlantis, they had been togeva just a year. They knew dey had long road ahead of dem. Main fing was they had their realised their dream and now all they needed was da will to do it (along wiv a bottomless pit of a bank account).

On a very very important note, I hadn't even been born yet! Mum was grievin over Jim but was also rememberin her with great joy because she did av bery long life wiv mum.

Fanx for reading dis bloggie. So I will say this to you - toodlepip old beans! Stay tooned for more about their adventures and how they came to be da forever home of da Lexie in da next episode...

Friday, 5 February 2010

I's only bin here five minutes!

Cor blimey, would you Adam and Eve it! I only bin here for a teesyweensy tiny bit of time and two wonderful pals wot I know has given ma blog da Honest Scrap award. As instructed, I am followin da instructions wot I as to do to repay dis great compliment to some ova pals wot I luvs.  Fing is not all of dems  as blogs but i dussnt care bout dat dey is still da best! First of all, here is a pictcha of da award:

Second to come I fank ma two friends @cokiethecat and my great new friend wot is called @mrsfiddlesticks! Dat is great name init? Ok so, accordings to da rooles I now has to do dis fing where I tells you 10 fings bout me which you was hunaware of and den I tell you ten over pals wot I fink you shud get dat award too. Off we toddle then:

  1. I live on a boat (heehee i know you probly know dat one!) oh i guess dat is no right to use dat one how bout 1a) i as psychic powers to will ma mum to open da fridge door to give me da cheese or ham wot i dus LUV!
  2. I is bery frighten of big black bin bags.
  3. I am a holympic swimmer and da most wot i swum is 1.5 miles wivout stoppin from Hoo to Upnor.
  4. I has ad all me gubbinses removed for da healf and safety of ma womb and dat so i dussnt never as had no baby Lexies but if I did they would be ---- GORJUS!
  5. I once took part in a doggie downathon and met Peter Purvis at da event (well he walked past me anway - that still counts right?).
  6. I luvs mud - oh yes I sure do. I loves to roll in it. I also lubs rolling in fox poo, rabbit poo, horsey poo mmmmm smelllyyyyyy.
  7. I luvs to DJ at pawpawties. If you wants a toon anytime, you let me know. I as a DJ page at
  8. Mum call me Dogstoyevsky coz she lub to read dem Russian books by Dostoevsky!
  9. I once did ate a whole packet of extra strong mints.
  10. I has got a pet passport so I can go travellin wiv ma mum and dad.
So now ma dear friends wot it readin dis bloggie, I is gonna tell ya bout some great pals wot I am awardin dis ... erm ... award to! Yes, here we go:
  • @marleyterrier - ma bestest border terier pal in da whole world, very funny and always give me is last rolo.
  • @pasikas - my wonderful scottish friend. She never fails to make melarf and I luvs to see her pop up on Twitta.
  • @henryandfriends - he is da most wonderful bear wot I knows
  • @tweetypie54 - makes me feel all warm and loved inside
  • @frugaldougal - that doggie has da biggest heart and does wonderful fings for anipals
  • @mattiedog - the cutest shih tzu i ever saw and he luvs a bit of bling.
  • @oatiedog - she is gorgeous, kind and just makes you wanna cuddle her right up.
  • @sydpie - very funny, very girly but most of all aint afraid to nick a sausage or two.
  • @diamondbertie - he is exacly that! A diamond geezer!
  • @OllyTed - i luvs goin to #keepfits wiv ma lickle bear pal! he sure knows how to do dem stretches.
Is very hard to say bout only 10 because I can fink of 100s and 100s! I av so many wonderful pals on twitta and I am so appy to have found you all.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersen, adieu .. dis dus be da Lexie signin off.

Wednesday, 3 February 2010

Avast ye landlubbers .. shiver me timbers .. where's me rum!

Hello chumleys! I am doing anuva post on my bloggie. I hope you did enjoy da last one. I am quite enjoyin maself wiv all dis bloggin malarky!

This weekend me, mum, dad and our crew (our great pals what is called Jared, Len and Julie) did move our boat from Hoo St Werburgh on da River Medway to Fullbridge Quay at Maldon in Essex. Is about 60 nautical miles.

Before we set sail mum and dad did av loads of fings dey had to get ready first. The most important fing wot they dun (in my umble hopinion) was to remembers to bring ma lifejacket from da house! Here's a photo of me in ma life jacket lookin out da wheelhouse window at da scenery:

I am wonderin if the lifejacket has shrunk! Ma bum does look awfully big in dat fing. Must be the angle ;). A friend suggested I has a lovely meaty bum! Must be all da swimmin wot I does. But wait, I digress...

So off we went on our journey. Everyfin ran smooth as clockwork. Da engine was purrin along. For your informations we has a Stork Diesel 660 hp engine. We made an average speed of bout 10 knots (dat be 12 miles an hour). First of all, we went along da River Medway and passed some very interestin fings. Dis is a big ferry wot we saw dat was anchored up in da middle of da river while the crew and passingersies onboard did all av some rest:

When we was out in da deep sea bits, ma dad and our good friend Len was takin turns to drive da boat. We has da GPS which shows da maps of where you is at and where you is goin. Very clever init? Is like da A-Z of da sea. Here is a picture of ma dad (right) with Len (middle) and my very great hoooman bean friend Jared (left). He is ma best hooman friend in da whole world. Dey is lookin at da GPS wot you can see on da computa:

When we was goin along we saw some birdies was following us. They was just cruisin along enjoyin da fermals i fink. They are good at dat and i fink they fort we had some fishes on board but we dussnt av fishy smell no more! We also saw a seal wot was swimmin by and he did stop to av a look but mum was too late wiv da camera to take a pic of him. She did get dis photo of da birdies though:

As da sun started to set and da tide was ebbin, dad decided was time to anchor up for da night. He already planned our journey so dat we set off on a spring tide. Dus you know wot dat be? Dere be two types of tides - number one is da spring tide, which be big tide (nuffink to do with spring season) and number two is da neap tide (nuffin to do with turnip), which is ickle tide. For further informations, tides is all do wiv da moon and da sun and da waxin and da wanin!

So .... we did find some bery deep water and anchor up for da night. We did watch a most beautiful sunset before we did settle down for da night:

We had some food and da hooomans took turns in sleeping coz of avin to be on watch. Luckily, coz I am a doggie I did not av to do a watch, so I assisted by sleepin in my basket, ready to pounce at da speed of a cobra, if required.

Next day we set off bout 9.30 in da mornin as da tide started to rise again. Once we woz sailin we did all have a cuppa and some breakfast. We was all settlin down for da journey when da police decided to pay us a visit. Two police officers did board Atlantis and den they did ask us questions and take notes about fings. Dey did use their radio to run checks on all da hooomans (notice they did not run check on me!!) to make sure dey was not norty. Dey discovered dat none of da hooomans was criminal and did stay wiv us for annva cuppa. Dad and mum showed dem round da boat and they told dad off for taking so long to finish her, then they went on their way. Here is a picture of da policemens wot was waitin in their boat for da ovva two (who was avin cup of tea):

By dis time we had reached the mouf of da River Blackwater and were happily sailin past da sea wall where mum dus take me for walks! She was tryin to tell me bout it but I didn't av a clue wot she was on about. Silly woman. When we woz in da Blackwater we did reduce our speed to bout 6 knots so we could get round da buoys. Dese were tricky for such a big boat as ours but was easy for ma dad coz he dus be a very good sailor.

Before we cud even say anti-distinctly-minty we woz in Maldon! Da river did start to get narrower and narrower and we was now in fresh water. Dad was bein bery careful not to hits nuffink and we slowed down to bout 4 knots.

When we did get to our moorin was all paws to da ropes and we tied her up and dad did shut down da generators and da engine. Then, we all had a cuppa. Wot is it wiv da hoomans and dere cupsa tea! Our new landlord wot is named Jim did come round and gave us a paintin pontoon to stand on in da water. We dus av to paint her very quick or we get into trouble wiv da local council. As you can see, she is feelin bit unloved and lookin bit shabby, so soon all da hard work start again.

After we did some general tidyin up mum and me did took our friends Len, Julie and Jared back home to Kent. We left da dad behind to made sure da boat was safe when da next tide came in and den we went to our house at bout 2am!

We got home and then of course, the only course of action open was to ............. sleep!!  mmmm sleep i sure lubs to sleep! Da hoomans let me have a quick snooze in da bed before they got in.  I mean, after all, a girl has to get her beauty sleep init? They is good to me.

So that is da story so far. Hello? Are you still there? I hope I nevva dun bored you. Well goodbyeeee, goodbyeee, cheerio, chin-chin. This is Lexie signing off.